https://oracledream.com/articles-santa-vs-the-martians/

LANCE – Hey Santa, boy it sure is cold here.

SANTA – Ho Ho, well, you know we’re at the north pole !

LANCE – So I heard in a recent press release that your very upset at the presence of these mysterious New Jersey drones.

SANTA – Yes I am. I have a big job to do on Christmas eve and I don’t need them getting in the way of my sleigh.

SANTA – Also , they’re a big threat to the united States.

LANCE – Really ! why is that ?

SANTA – They came out of metal cylinders that crash landed at Grovers Mill, New Jersey. Obviously they’re machines from outer space. some kind of alien world.

SANTA – It’s only a matter of time before they attack.

LANCE – Oh My God !   Uh , what are we going to do ?

SANTA – Well , If the U.s. government isn’t going to shoot them down. I am going to. I moved my sleigh into Santas work shop. The elfs and I mounted two 50 caliber Miniguns. That’ll knock them down. That’s for sure.

LANCE – What’s a Minigun ?

SANTA – The Minigun is an American six-barrel rotary machine gun with a high rate of fire (2,000 to 6,000 rounds per minute). It features a Gatling-style rotating barrel assembly with an external power source, normally an electric motor.

LANCE – Wow ! — You know a lot out guns Santa.

SANTA – Sure I do, — I’m a toy maker. Just in case I can’t shoot them down. I have deployed a team of elfs to New Jersey. They have set up 3 mobile surface to air missile launchers.

LANCE – Holy Cow ! Do you think the alien drones are being flown by beings from another planet.

SANTA – Yes ! — They’re from the planet mars, and if these alien monsters think they’re going to get away with this preemptive sneak attack. they’ve got another thing coming.

LANCE – Don’t you think it’s interesting the drone attack started 2 weeks after the anniversary of the 1938 Orson Welles radio drama ”War of the Worlds.” This show presented its self as a real news event in New Jersey / an invasion from mars. It scared the hell out of the entire country, — Orson Welles had to testify before congress.

SANTA – Now you look Lance, this is not some kind of big practical Joke. These things are real. They are from outer space and they are on the attack !

LANCE – Santa, uh, — could I make a Christmas wish ?

SANTA – Sure , come over here and sit on my lap.

LANCE – Oh , Ok ? — Hey !    Santa — you smell like whisky !   Santa your drunk off your ass ! what have you got to say for yourself !

SANTA – Well Lance, it’s been a tough week with the mounting of the Miniguns, also I’ve had a lot of toy production problems. But really it’s that Mrs. Clause, arthritis has been bothering her lately and she never stops bitching at me. She says I’m too gassy.

LANCE – Santa ! ?, watch that potty mouth. You could be a bad influence, people could start talking like that in front of a big audience. This would be a good time to rap up this interview. Thank you very much for this wonderful opportunity.

SANTA – No problem Lance ! Ho Ho Ho and Have a Merry Christmas ! ! ! ! ! ! !.